


War Movies

by KestrelShrike



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/M, Humor, Turian, War Movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 21:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11699865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KestrelShrike/pseuds/KestrelShrike
Summary: When Wren Ryder and Tiran Kandros plan a movie night, they find that the movie they intended to watch isn’t the movie they received.





	War Movies

“So this is a turian war story?” Voice heavy with skepticism, Wren Ryder examined the vid’s description on her datapad, a long list of names punctuated by descriptions that relied heavily on the words ‘stirring’ and ‘exciting.’ Somehow, it wasn’t a reassurance. 

She curled her legs beneath herself, leaning against Tiran Kandros. He extended an arm across the back of the couch, forming a warm haven for her against the pillows, and though his carapace wasn’t exactly the conventional description of comfort, it was familiar and she had grown to understand all the nooks and crannies that were good to lean against. Even within the safety of the Tempest, he wore his armor, as if he would have to spring into action suddenly. Knowing how fragile the situation remained on the Nexus and how he always had APEX teams out in the field, engaging in dangerous work, it was a distinct possibility. Ryder could only hope he would stick here long enough for the full movie. It was his idea, after all. 

It’s a classic,” he said, somewhat defensively, snatching the datapad from her and putting it face down on the side table. “The golden age of turian cinema. Sixtus Rex never did a finer performance.” 

“Wait, wait. His name is _Sixtus Rex_?” Unable to hold it in, Ryder burst out laughing, earning her a swift look of disapproval from Kandros that only served to deepen the hilarity. With an affronted look, Kandros dropped his arm off the couch and pointed at the screen, the film on pause while Ryder probed into the lead actor. 

“It’s a stage name, Ryder. No one knows his real identity. Some say he’s just a farm boy from Palaven. Or he was.” Whoever he had been, Sixtus was now six hundred years in the past, long since dead and gone. A momentary somber lull fell over them before Kandros leaned over to turn up the volume, pressing play. 

A spray of horns and a piano score began to play, the tune best described as… sleazy. It wasn’t at all what Ryder had expected, especially not from a serious turian war film. From the look on Kandros’ face, it wasn’t what he had anticipated either. 

WIth fumbling fingers, Kandros hurried to try and figure out a way to turn off the movie, dropping things in his haste. It was enough reason for Ryder to hurry and drag the remote away from him, holding it at arm’s length while she put her other hand on his chest, restraining him. “Well, well, well. What is this we have here?” She tried to look coy, but succeeded only in looking mildly mischievous. 

“Ryder… Wren. Please. You don’t want to watch this. Trust me.” The music was reaching some kind of a crescendo, colors blurring on screen to resolve into the distant figure of two turians and an asari, the latter two clearly female, approaching the singular male turian as shadow figures. Just as they were about to touch, words appeared on screen, subtitled from the turian language to something she could read. 

_Fornax Films Presents… One Gun Salute. Starring Sextus Erixtus…_

The words continued to scroll by to Kandros’ growing horror, his face buried in one hand as he watched between his three outstretched fingers. Meanwhile, a glowing warmth was slowly suffusing Ryder’s face, a pinkness that started in her cheeks and seemed to end somewhere near the top of her ears, resolving into more of a deep red burning. Despite that, she couldn’t look away, though she quickly found herself looking between her hand too. It wasn’t terribly raunchy yet, but the dialogue was possibly the worst she had ever heard, the acting as stiff as… Well. 

“I… don’t think this was the movie you meant to show me.” Unless Kandros had very different plans for the evening. Not that Ryder would have been opposed, exactly, but… 

“No,” he groaned, finally succeeding in wresting the remote from her and going to turn it off. 

“I didn’t know turian women dressed like that,” Ryder mused, able to spare her own embarrassment at the mishap for the sake of teasing Kandros, who had become stiff-shouldered. The shadowy figures on screen had resolved into real people, and the action, for lack of a better term, had started with very little plot at all. “Oh. I didn’t know that turians were so… flexible. Or had so much reach.” Wait, no, she definitely knew that second one. Shooting Kandros a glance from hooded eyes, Ryder spared him from watching the rest of the film before flicking it off. “Who did you get this from anyway?” 

Sagging back in relief, Kandros pulled Ryder towards himself again. “Liam. I knew he had something up. He was smirking the whole time.” He probably misheard, though with Liam there was really a 50/50 chance. It was an excellent joke nonetheless, one that ensured that Ryder couldn’t keep the grin off her face. 

“Now that our night is suddenly open, maybe we can work on, as the great Sextus once said, popping your heatsink.”


End file.
